Ace Admiral: In Re: Your Enquiry about Systematic Oppression

captainheartless:

aceadmiral:

To all the “systematic oppression” anons:

Thank you for your enquiry. I presume you come out on Friday nights specifically because you know I will be free Saturday mornings to use my entire morning to write you a long rebuttal, and I appreciate the consideration.

Point the First: Asexual Men…

I don’t know, I might not exist. Maybe I’m a figment of a troll’s imagination.

Also, every once and awhile when I’m in a safe space (that I created myself), full of other asexuals, I think “hey maybe things really aren’t too bad”. Then I end up spending some time away from such spaces and realize how much crap I get even from friends, and realize how hostile the world is to aces.

Personally, I’ve been lucky in that I, personally, do not experience what I would consider “oppression” as a result of my asexuality. However, I do not take that as an indication that such oppression never happens; I take it as an indication that I am very lucky, and also that I haven’t been out for very long (which I haven’t).

Well, I should note that the things that bother me aren’t the blatant trolls or oppression. I’ve had people tell me that I should see a doctor, that I’m a freak, that I must not have any balls, and so on..but that doesn’t bother me, because I can immediately recognize those as something I shouldn’t believe and I can fight it. What gets me are the more subtle things that tend to come from well meaning friends. Things like how my relationships don’t count as “relationships”, because there’s no sex or because it’s with a group rather than an individual. Or how intimacy is only truly found in couple based dating arrangements that include sex. And these aren’t said outright like that- they are just held as assumptions in every conversation, so they can slip under the radar and if I attempt to call them out everyone ignores me as going off on another asexual rant. So I can’t even challenge them, and have to accept them as premises just to interact with the people who are my friends. That ends up getting to my head, and making me feel like crap.

I should also note that I never noticed this before I had a safe group- mostly because I had internalized those norms and just accepted them. That meant I didn’t have myself figured out and would feel lots of anxiety and shame for things, but I assumed that was just life. It was only once I had a safe space and I felt like I could actually breathe freely that I realized how much I hate having to conform to people’s assumptions, and how much that had been killing me.